…that I’m constantly pushing myself to be better and more creative!
I never thought before that being engaged would change anything in my life! I mean, Bret and I have been together for like, EVER! we love each other very much, we have been through hell and back, I feel like we are married most of the time and an engagement, to me, meant a nice ring because that’s American tradition, and that’s all! Right? No! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!
I always wondered what those girls, that dream about their weddings would feel like! I was never one of those girls!
I think that those are the girls that buy into the entire wedding industry, that have a pre-fabricated idea of what their wedding will look like, because that’s what they have seen in the media!
And I had made peace with my lifelong singleness.
This feeling of peace is why it will take me a lifetime to understand and accept I am, in fact ENGAGED!
I never played house or played let’s get married as a child [unless it meant I could kiss the boys in the neighborhood, I was interested in that, not in play house…], I never spent time thinking about my wedding dress, my dream wedding, my prince, any of that I consider bullshit! In fact, I was pretty sure I would never meet anyone who would like to be with me, much less get married. Not because I think little of myself, but because I think too much and I’m extremely difficult! Poor Bret!
I cannot help, but think of all the things I will kiss goodbye and the things I’ll welcome in our lives! Because, now, it’s OUR LIVES! TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER! SCARY! Jesus!
While I’m planning for our engagement party, to celebrate our love with our families, to officially feel engaged, I catch myself thinking, thinking harder, of what I want to be, how I want to express that, how I want this party to reflect what kind of people we are!
And I push myself. I push myself always to be more creative. To search inside what is it that I like, to let go of what I have seen in the media, of what other people like and think: WHAT IS IT THAT I LIKE?
I already came up with a few ideas, that feel right. That feel very ME! or US!?! I hope this is reflected everywhere! And I continue to push myself.
The other day, I was researching, what is it that a Brazilian engagement party looks like. See, I left Brazil as a child, really, and I never had the chance to participate in a lot of grown ups’ stuff, like weddings and engagement parties! Then I went online and started researching Brazilian wedding blogs!
photos: Constance Zahn
I can’t really express in words how much I dislike the idea of an engagement party like that! It’s stuffy! Although, everything looks beautiful and very tasteful, it also feels OLD! Like this beautiful couple is from the 50’s and in an incredibly boring setting. I could NEVER!
Photos: Vestida de Noiva
I like this way better than the first version. At least, it looks like it happened in this century… However, it’s way TOO LAIDBACK! And hey, I’d like to think I’m a laidback girl! It looks like no HEART went into it. This looks like any barbecue I’d throw, not like a special moment!
So, two opposites! The more I researched, the more I found more of the same: either stuffy engagements/weddings, without any personality and too traditional for my taste. Or too simple, nothing special, without any thought or heart! And I hate both styles!
It reminds me why is it that I always felt like I don’t belong when I lived in BRAZIL! Because I actually do not belong, to any of those worlds! I don’t belong to the old, traditional, stuffy, let’s show off to mommy’s friends world! I don’t belong to the I’m way too simple and I don’t really care world!
Sometimes, it’s hard to find creativity of spontaneity in Brazil!
Then I found a place in NYC – of all places! – that embodies exactly what I think: Stone Fox Bride! A place that has a heart, that embodies what we live today, that will present me with inspiration for events that that happening in this century, in 2013, 2014, 2015, not in 1956!
This is how they describe themselves: “Stone Fox Bride is a laid back, high-fashion, punk-bohemian bridal showroom in downtown New York City.”
This is what I’m talking about!
This is their home page:
Because, you know what, sometimes you kiss the people you love. Because you love people, not a gender! And Jemima Kirke is awesome!
Their Pinterest page is beautiful, full of inspiration! The kind of inspiration that is NOT what your grandmother envisions for your wedding day! You know, the best kind, the 2013 kind!
I’ll spend an entire weekend thinking about how can I push myself to be more like MYSELF, you know…
Have a wonderful weekend!